I don't know why, but for some reason the headline "Naked Man goes on Random Shooting Spree," reminded me of a call we had back when I was a cop.

During a morning shift, the dispatchers assigned a car to respond to a "suspicious person" call.  Before the dispatcher could give a description she started laughing.  After a couple different attempts, she finally gave the description, which was fairly benign (white male, grey tank top and blue jogging shorts), but she was still laughing while broadcasting the description.

Myself and another car moved into the area and began looking for the person while the car assigned to the call went to speak to the citizen who called.  The other car located the jogger and I came by to assist until we could figure out what was going on.  About 5 minutes later, the cop assigned comes over the radio and tells us to place the jogger under arrest.  The whole time he's laughing.  We arrest the guy and take him to the station, still clueless as to what's going on.

When we got to the station, we were told to book the suspect on charges of indecent exposure.  It turns out that while the complaining party and his wife were eating breakfast they see this guy jog into their backyard.  He picks up a garden spade that's laying in their yard, drops his shorts, shoves the handle of the spade up his ass and starts jacking off in full view of the husband and wife.  He finishes, shooting his load on their bay window, removes the spade from his ass, squats and takes a dump in their yard.  Then he drops the spade, pulls up his shorts and continues his jog.

No doubt the naked guy with an AK-47 is more dangerous, but I'm not sure which event would be more disturbing to have witnessed.

"I don't know why, but for some reason the headline "Naked Man goes on Random Shooting Spree," reminded me of a call we had back when I was a cop."

It reminded me I need to call KC.

that spade story is absolutely mind boggling in it's level of hilarity.

The only thing that threw me about this story was it happened at like 6:15 AM. Level with me here guys, you have an AK 47, and want to make a nude jaunt of vigilante chaos and mayhem. For better or worse this will be your last free day in your life. Don't you fucking sleep in? Go have a nice breakfast, load up a credit card, try to enjoy life? You can always shoot people at 11:00, why in the hell would you wreck your last free day with getting up that early? Makes no sense.

artie_fufkin wrote:

I'd say the 6:15 a.m. component involves the back end of a very long evening and early morning spent sampling various substances and libations that led to what was unfortunately a lethal mix of nudity and armaments.

Funny, I don't remember you being at the bachelor party.

The night before my friend who works for the Cardinals' wedding, we spent the night and the early morning hours attending the "Sauget ballet".  Afterward, we ended up at the Eat Rite Diner, a place only true St. Louisans can appreciate.  We pull up at about 5:30 a.m., and as we do we see this guy breaking into a car.  There are 5 of us, 2 of whom are still cops and they call out to the guy.  The guy pulls a knife and starts making his way toward an alley so he could run.  When he pulled his knife, both cops drew their guns (never bring a knife to a gun fight).  He was caught after a brief foot chase.

We had a good laugh at the time.  We had a better laugh that evening watching my buddy, who was so drunk he slept at the stadium until about 2 1/2 hours before the wedding, trying to stay awake during the ceremony.  His wife was pissed at us for a good 2-3 years.

artie_fufkin wrote:

"we spent the night and the early morning hours attending the "Sauget ballet".

Was that the place we went to?

One and the same

APRTW wrote:

artie_fufkin wrote:

"we spent the night and the early morning hours attending the "Sauget ballet".

Was that the place we went to?

I wasnt there but the story I heard was that the place wasnt called "sauget ballet" it was "sausage buffet"...

There was a decent selection of entertainment on that partiaular evening. I went to a bachelor party once in Johnstown, Rhode Island (the state the has the highest per captia number of nudie bars, BTW) at a place called Mario's Show Club that was like an outtake from "Caligula." A couple years ago,  the DEA (?) raided the place and swept up the chief of the local constabulary with the rest of the refuse. I'm pretty sure the club didn't last too long after that.