artie_fufkin wrote:

Prediction: New England 24, Seattle 20
Seahawks are driving for the winning score with less than 2 minutes left in the game. As Russell Wilson is about to cross the goal line on a QB keeper, he is suddenly and viciously gored by the antlers of a deer that has run onto the field from the New England sideline, dislodging the ball from his grasp. Brandon Browner puts down his joint long enough to recover the football at New England's 1-yard line.
The officials huddle in the center of the field and cite the as-yet-uninvoked "Buck Rule," which allows indigent wildlife to interfere with the game on the field as long as the outcome benefits a team that is owned by a person under 5-feet tall who has graciously hosted the NFL commissioner for a sleepover at his home within the past month, and if the game is being played in a state with a name that begins and ends with the same vowel.
Brady genuflects three times to kill the clock and the Patriots "win" their fourth Super Bowl.
Post-game, Seattle coach Pete Carroll complains that deer are not indigent to central Arizona, prompting narcissistic New England fans to call him a sore loser and whine that he is envious of the Patriots, even though the Seahawks have legitimately won more Super Bowls than the Patriots in the past decade. Brady dismissively advises Carroll to go read the rule book, and Belichick grumbles something mostly unitelligible about the use of cloven-hooved mammals in game plans since his days at the Naval Academy and he's surprised anyone is surprised that a 12-point buck ran onto the field at the precise moment Seattle was about to win the Super Bowl, and then says he's moving on to Week 1 of the 2015 season.
In response to the allegations his team benefitted unfairly from an obscure rule, Kraft commissions a blue ribbon panel of zoologists and biologists, all of whom coincidentally happen to live in New England, who independently come to the conclusion deer did in fact roam during a previous Ice Age what is now known known as the Phoenix metropolitan area. Kraft then demands an apology from the NFL, every person affiliated with the Seahawks, and the U.N. Security Council.